Day 40: What Else Can I Say

No fireworks, cymbals, maracas, or chest bumps. It turns out that the most fitting way to celebrate the completion of 40 days of practice is quietly, with 90 minutes of restorative yoga, closed with a om circle (with me and Heather at the center). It was a very sweet evening.

At 12:01, I'll be celebrating a little more boisterously with a nice glass of wine! Why not!

The beautiful moon in the sky tonight (last night I watched a shooting star blaze just below it), reminds me of a Zen story that Kat told at the end of class last Friday. It goes something like this:

"Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing in it to steal.

Ryokan returned and caught him. 'You may have come a long way to visit me,' he told the prowler, 'and you shoud not return emptyhanded. Please take my clothes as a gift.'

The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away.

Ryokan sat naked, watching the moon. 'Poor fellow,' he mused, 'I wish I could give him this beautiful moon.'"

Let me end this blog with the Sanskrit chant we share at the close of each class:

"Om, lokasamasta sukhinobhavantu. Om shaantih, shaantih, shaantih," which translates to, "May all beings everywhere attain happiness and freedom. May there be peace, peace, and perfect peace."

(It turns out my words aren't always the most appropriate).

Namaste.

Day 39: To Blog or Not

The question I ask myself tonight is whether or not I should keep up with a blog after tomorrow. It's a funny little question that really only I care about. My goal was to write every day in conjunction with my 40 days of yoga. And, except for last Saturday when I was in the mountains, I wrote daily--some worth reading, some not.

Maybe I'll go the route that I plan to take with my yoga--establishing a regular, meaningful practice. But, does that work for writing, or is it all or nothing? Before the 40 days, I was doing a whole lot of nothing when it came to writing. I don't want to go back to that. So, whether in blog form or not, I may have to keep the daily ritual alive.

If it's worth tuning in for, I'll let you know.

Day 40---Hello!

Day 38: Cooling Off

If it isn't already hot enough in my livingroom at 8:30 at night, I'm sitting here with my laptop in my lap. This little machine generates some heat, but I'm too tired and lazy to sit up straight to work at the bar.

So, this will be a short post.

Today, I had my first instance of feeling some true unkindness toward a student. So far, I've been really lucky with my students. They are boisterous, but overall the energy is positive. Things went a little south with one freshman later in the day. I don't feel comfortable including details, but needless to say, I'll need to take a few deep breaths tomorrow, call him out of class, and let him know that when he's in my class, he's on my schedule and following my instructions.

Wish me luck! Time to turn this little machine off and cool off!

Day 37: Ready for a Break

My body is ready for a break! Tonight was our first night in the new studio, which is a beautiful space. The natural light and open feeling will be wonderful for yoga, but my body wasn't feeling it tonight. After day 40, my goal is to settle into a regular practice--three or four days a week. A schedule that I can maintain through the rest of the school year.

Last Sunday, I mentioned a partial radio story I heard that same day about a group of children who had decided not to help a man they had found stranded at the bottom of a well. Tonight, I tuned in via the PRI website to hear the rest of the tale. Turns out that the children never did tell anyone about the man; it also turns out that the story was a work of fiction!

Day 36: Sweet Stories

I had a nice memory today. It came about while I was instructing my students on how to write their first essay describing an important event from their lives. Their goal is to write about something significant that changed them in some way or taught them an important lesson.

Believe me, I have many important events that would qualify in this category, but not ones I'd ever share with 14 year olds. Instead, I shared this:

In the years right after my grandpa's death in 1991, I used to visit the cemetery once a month or so. His grave is in a lovely spot beneath an oak tree. In those years, the tears came easily when I thought about my loss. As I sat on the curb next to his grave on one sunny afternoon, a woman came and sat next to me. She had been sitting at her mother's grave up the hill when she saw me. I don't remember the exact conversation, but I will never forget her kindness. She told me she could tell that I was sad, and felt like she needed to check on me. For a few minutes, she sat next to me with her arm around my shoulders. Then she left.

I told my students that even though the interaction last no more than 10 minutes, it has stayed with me for more than 15 years. Sometimes when I'm feeling like the world is a really crappy place, I think of that woman and her kindness. It's a sweet, sweet thought that makes me like the world again.

Day 35: How to Restore

In a weekend that was full of celebration and love, the topic of cruelty should have no place. But, it's an action that has been on my mind several times today. Partly because of a discussion I shared in this morning about the ability of some people to be deeply cruel to someone they love. And, partly because of a story I heard on NPR's "This American Life" as I drove home from Big Bear.

I didn't hear the end of the story (and I'm not sure that I want to), but it was about a group of children who, while playing in an open field, found a man trapped in the bottom of a well. Instead of going for help, the children decided to stay quiet, and over a few days visited the man several times. Once they brought him food and water. They lied to him and told him that help was on the way. Supposedly a true story from the writer's childhood, I'm almost afraid to go online and hear the end (I left the station's broadcast range mid-story).

Maybe it's not possible to understand what is at the core of cruelty--maybe it's ignorance, fear, self-loathing, evil. I end up feeling badly when think on it for too long.

Tonight, during a 90 minute restorative yoga session, I had a realization that maybe, in my own life, it's not so important to understand where it starts. What I need to do is focus on being kind, not nice, but kind. Sometimes, actually more than sometimes, I feel less than kind (refer to my past posting about gratitude). I have to figure it out. It may be the most I have to give.

Day 34: Up above the Grid

Saturday was set aside for gazing at the mountains, celebrating a dear friend's birthday, and doing a little yoga next to the lake in Big Bear. It was a beautiful escape from the Escondido heat; and a respite from all things technological. So, it was my one day down from the 40 days of blogging. Turns out the world didn't end!